Velcroed Souls

I'm thrilled and I'm excited.

but I feel scared.

I'm overwhelmed with possibilities.

and I'm unprepared.

'cause when it feels too good to be true,

it is often too good to be true.

Somehow I know it's too good to be true,

somehow I know nothing and no one is perfect

but there are imperfections that I can accept

and there are the dealbreakers.

and those make me so upset. 

I jump so many steps ahead,

maybe I'm the red flag

I'm a projector 

and maybe I project

my own inner love bomb

that I want to unleash

onto someone I don't even know yet.

I have a lot of love in me

and I somehow love that about me

and then I go and find it pathetic and needy.

I have a lot of love

to give to take to exchange

but I keep it all inside

at least I thought I had to

and when someone asked me to give them it

I decided they were pathetic.

So if they want this, they must be as pathetic as me,

what is wrong with them

what is wrong with them

what the fuck is wrong with them that makes them want me

and why the fuck do they adore me

and behave so lovingly?

So exactly like this,

I fail every time to realize

that nothing is wrong with me

and nothing is wrong with them.

we all just feel things

sometimes light, sometimes intense

sometimes bright, sometimes heavy

and when I feel seen by someone

even when I don't think I have shown myself clearly,

it's okay to just enjoy the feeling of being seen by someone.

and that's where I fail miserably.

They saw this much of me

and they will see much more

they will like some of it and they will tolerate some,

and some they will absolutely hate

and they will decide how to respond to all those parts

and I will decide how to receive and act on those.

I saw this much of them,

and I will see much more,

I will like some and I will tolerate some, 

and some I will abso-fucking-lutely hate

and I will decide how to respond

and they will decide how to receive.

And so on it will go

responding and receiving 

acting and retrieving

and what will matter the most

will be how much I love their heart,

the rest I'll get to decide

step by step and in time.

How much I tolerate,

how much I fold,

how much I act back,

and how much I hold, 

that's the great thing in life, isn't it?

I don't have to jump to all the possible futures to make sure that they'll love me

and feel at the same time like I'm a bad bad girl that they would shame me.

I don't need to make sure that they will never walk away,

I just need to respect if they stay or if they leave me.

They're a person, not a catch, 

not some surreal perfection I need to impress

they have flaws, I have them too

and none of those are some big, dark secrets like she always told you to

hide inside so deep that no one can find

while all you want is exactly those parts to be loved.

You're not something bad,

you're not something to be ashamed of,

there is not an inherent darkness and badness to you

you were just a baby girl who felt so much

and wanted to feel loved.

Shame on those who failed to see you and said

what you felt was too much.

You feel exactly the perfect amount, 

and I hate to break it to you

but you're just a regular girl

who wanted the same things as any regular girl wants

and those who failed you are just regular souls

who suffered from the same pains as any regular soul does.

You can now accept this and go into this wonderful journey of getting to know a soul

who wants the same things as your soul wants

and you take it step by step, 

day by day, 

maybe it breaks after one date, 

hell maybe before,

maybe it breaks after five.

maybe it goes on longer,

maybe until you're tired.

And all would be still okay, 

all would be still fine.

You don't need to try to find out all the shitty ways it can go wrong, 

nor need to lose yourself in all the ways it can bloom and thrive

at this moment,

at this very moment on a rainy Sunday afternoon in November 2024, 

all you need to know,

is that you met another soul,

who feels so good to know,

a kind, beautiful soul,

and a brave one - I know that's what scares you the most-

and all you need to do is to be kind back,

be excited to meet this soul,

and go on with your life

'cause no matter what those voices tell you,

you are safe baby,

you are safe in the now, 

so stay in the now,

no need to jump in or jump over,

stay exactly where you are,

in this beautiful mess of human connection.

let their soul touch yours

without engulfing each other,

touch each other gently,

and find out if this is worth a try.

and what beautiful and messy things'll come up with this human

is definitely a privilege to find.

move slowly, step by step, give time, and feel bravely

and the rest will come in their own time

enjoy the ride baby,

and I assure you the rest will be fine.