That's not really what I think

-
My consciousness
hyper- or hypo-
you mixed with it.
All that clues
invalid now
like you poisoned them all
like you spoiled.
You’re spoiled,
a spoiled kid
grown to a spoiled man
but couldn’t grow inside
you’re damaged goods
do I still want it?
Not really sure if you are the one
who is spoiled,
but one thing i know that
you spoiled them all
like a virus
invaded and spoiled my only method
to see
to understand
if you were
one of that ones
or just something
that comes and goes away.
You even spoiled him
looks like him
but talks like you
couldn't even understand
if it was him
or you
then couldn’t decide
if you are.
one
two
three
him.
It’s you
not him.
making me
like in a movie
not a romance one
but something with a bit of a feeling
don't know which.
Holding me
feeling nothing
holding me
I’m feeling the world.
I'm not sure
who you are
who i am.
Like, the old one
is not present
when you are.
you change
the way I see
not the way I look,
but the way I enjoy
breathing
-in long term.
You serve me the blood
you serve me the taste
of this pointless life
that I don't really care about
not anymore.
not when I'm alone,
but when I'm in it
that neat tidy belonging
with your presence.
Maybe then I would act
if it bled,
if it took me to death.
Otherwise I would just lie there
and wait for the end
but not with your presence
or maybe
even if you’re present.
I like the blood anyway
the one that tastes good
when passing through my throat
or the one that feels good
when flooding out of my-
I haven’t decided yet
where to end it.
where to cut.
But when you hold it
hold me,
holding it and holding me
it feels like
I do not want to bleed anymore.
Or maybe I’d act
if it bled
rather than
closing it,
feeling the peace.
Cause since you’re present
ending it and starting another one
with a short pause,
that I couldn’t have dreamt of
when ending it.
But since you’re present
I feel
not a romance
but something
with a bit of feeling

don’t know which.

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