Patterns

-

I find myself going around and around
the same patterns of life
the same patterns of love
thinking this time it‘s different
ending up in the same
miserable 
pattern of mine.

Only thing I need
a good old letting
letting out
letting go
letting myself fall
in
and out.

The same pattern every time
The same person
in different disguise
but in the core
it‘s the same misery
it's the same torture.

Priorities
I should make them mine
I should make mine me
I should put mine in front
and stop giving
stop caring
just stop.

Decisions
took a lot of courage.
One big move
to let everything out
but  with everything
there goes every bit of you.

Can‘t even let it out anymore
Otherwise can‘t stop 
It‘ll all flow out
it‘ll all flood
everything I build
everything I try to keep standing
everything I have
everything of me 
every little part
will just flow out
until there‘s nothing left.

Or is there something left?
Don‘t know what‘s right anymore
just know everything‘s wrong
and in every move I make
and every decision I take
I fall into the same old wrong pattern
just turning around it
stuck in a loop
giving my everything
for all the wrong ones
without respect
thinking it‘s a game
and I‘ll follow the rules
or I‘ll just follow
like a good little girl I am
I‘ll just follow 
whenever they want me to
I‘ll just be there.

It takes too much
of my soul
and all I get in return
is more misery
and more of everything that‘s wrong
for me.

I gave my all
put my fucking heart out there
and waited for you to crush it.

And you
You made me wait
just kept me hanging on
and still haven‘t crushed it.
Instead,
you‘re taking your time now
to just break it 
piece by piece
so you wouldn‘t feel guilty
or harsh
but instead
you‘re just killing me slowly
piece by piece
and I can't get out of it anymore
stuck in a loop that's you
stuck in all my patterns
that made my way to you.

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