New Light

It is so easy to get caught up in the flowing days of life and not realize if anything needs to be tended inside, staying forever afloat in the stream and forever feeling lost.

It is because everything is amazingly dynamic. We are mostly taught that the goal in life is to reach a steady, stable, static state -the ultimate state-, in which we hold a secure job, a small family and a little house. And then, we grow up -or try to- and realize that we are at the age our parents reached their ultimate state and that we are so far away from anything that resembles stability.

We first reach the age they got married. My mom did when she was 24. I’ve reached that age -a long time ago- and passed it almost as quickly as I reached it. Then comes the age when they had kids. My mom had us when she was 30. Phew! Luckily, I’m still not that far… Close, though.

Is it even possible for me anymore to reach and successfully pass all these milestones in the couple of years I have left till the doom’s day?

Why does it even bother me that I haven’t yet? Why does it bother us?

Even if we reach and pass all these milestones, we see that we have still so much more to go, to ever reach any kind of ultimate place.

Is life even about an ultimate place?

Does it mean mom has been happy since she was 24? Or was she waiting to be happy till she had us? So, does it mean she’s been happy since she was 30? Or was she waiting for her dream house and for the day she will buy it and settle in? Did she wait then all these years to be happy? Or is she now still waiting to move to a small town and be in nature? Will that be the ultimate state?

This is exactly the issue with all these stable states we long for or we were taught to long for.

Life is anything but stable states. It is dynamic, it is alive. There is no ultimate place to get to before or after life. Instinctively, we want there to be an ultimate place. That’s why all the planning has been going on. That’s why we have so many different belief systems of the same exact concept. We crave the existence of a place that we can settle in and never worry about anything ever again. It is our fear of change and the unknown that comes with it.

But we fail to realize. We are the change itself. Our core is alive, our core is dynamic. Like the core of the earth. It is continuously changing and moving and melting, exploding, combusting like the young stars who are eagerly waiting for the ultimate stable state. Only to find out it’s the end of it all, what they’ve been waiting for.

The only ultimate state is death. It is the only stable state where nothing moves or changes anymore. A state of final settling, to never have to worry about anything ever again.

Do we long for our death then? Do we just live and go through every single day waiting for the final day that we can finally be happy? 

Do we crave death in every juicy second of life? Is this what we were taught to want, while we were growing up?

Is death what we fear and desire the most? Is it the state we long to reach?

Why do we grow up learning all this? Why are we made to believe that we should reach an ultimate state to feel happiness only to have to create a whole belief system to cope with it later?

Instead, we should have learnt about change. We should have been taught about all the energy moving in us, flowing in and out; and jumping around between us, changing all of us. Changing our cores, changing our days, changing our lives…

Why do we want to resist this change? Every new state we reach means the breakdown coming next. We either merge with more and grow, to reach a new intermediate state or we break down into what we’re made of, to start and try again. Why do we try to reach and stay at one stable state then?

It is incredible, what we’re made of and what we experience every second. The dynamic flow, the endless exchange between our core and anything living or non-living that is changing us non-stop.

It is then the most enjoyable thing when we accept the fact of change. Life. It is then worth to wake up every day, it is then worth to try again and again knowing that there is no ultimate state to reside and be happy at; a state where everything is right to never be wrong again, a state where we are fixed once and for all.

It is the adventure of the ups and downs, reaching a temporary state to jump up to a higher order or to break down into a simpler one until we have enough energy to try again. It is all this adventure that keeps us in this life. It is all this, that makes every little exchange worth to be grateful for and it is all this, that brings a new light to our every day.

A new light to be alive again. A new light to wake us up in the morning, to move us and to push us and support us.

A new light to light up our souls and warm us up.

A new light to carry with going through the unknown of a new day. A new light to ignite our cores and start the flow. A new light to feed the torch of our souls, hungry for the exchange, hungry for the change. A new light to burn away our fears. A new light to a new state. A new light, a never-ending new light to a new day. A new light to a new me, to a new you, to a new us. A new light, to a new life.